Remind me to tell my daughter...
to live for herself and make the decisions that seem right to her rather than make any to please me. It is so tempting for us as parents to want to be pleased by our children's decisions and to take pride in the fact that they did what we wanted, better known as "the right thing". Here's the problem. Every single adult woman I know who has spent most of her life doing things that please mom, are miserable and uncertain about who they are or what they want. Perfect example: me! I am not miserable, for now, but I have found myself recently thinking that perhaps my mother's ideas are better than mine. Of course there is the logic that she has lived longer and would have the perfect perspective on what I would want life to look like for the next 10-20 years. The problem is that it's her vision, not mine. My darling mother has decided that much of my current life is unstable and insecure, so she wants me to be with a good male friend of mine who has great financial security and move to a great house in a great neighborhood. All really alluring ideas for a single mother who, quite frankly, might be with anyone willing to take over this damn job! The only trouble is the passion, drive and fire behind this brilliant brew is not mine and if I drink the potion (no witch puns intended toward my darling mother), I will have no person to blame but me. I cannot blame the kids, the man, the home or my mother. So simply put, if it ain't your idea for your life and you think it will please lots of other people, DON'T DO IT! Live well in your way and let the others drink their own concoctions.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Enough with Being Late!
Remind me to tell my daughter...
That she will always, unequivically lose respect for lateness. There is something very real about the effect of being late that trumps everything: talent, poise, beauty, strength, wisdom, brilliance and more. I have been late, alot. I know that it has caused me to lose some respect. When I am late, even slightly late, I get judgement placed on my dance card of life that can only be erased after multiple on time dances. The equation is about 1 late = 5 earlys, because the truth is ontime isn't even good enough. Early is the only acceptable time. It hurts when I am late because a few of my confidence pegs are automatically knocked out from under me. I have been late for my classes (that I teach), my appointments with students, friends, family. I also know that I hate when others are late for me! The irony. So here is what's going to happen. I have practiced this most recently and it absolutely works.
1. If you are in the space where a meeting will happen within 30-40 minutes, DO NOT LEAVE THAT SPACE! If you go anywhere, you will be late. EXCEPTION: You can go to a near by bathroom.
2. If you give somebody a time that you will be there and you haven't left 20-30 minutes before that time, call them and reset the time for 30 minutes later! Then you are still on your way, but won't be late.
3. If you have to be in a place at an absolute time, have a conversation with your brain and body. Tell them (brain and body) that they will be there 15 minutes before that time which probably means you leave 30 minutes before that time and get there early! Adjust minutes into hours as is necessary to accomodate for distance.
4. When making an appointment with anyone, make sure you have their phone number or email address to alert them of the need to adjust the time.
Make no mistake about it, I know, when you are late regularly or even more than once, you will feel the funky looks and the snickers and the silent judgement that you cannot erase. You are too talented, too gorgeous, too important to be viewed as less valuable because of your inability to manage your time.
That she will always, unequivically lose respect for lateness. There is something very real about the effect of being late that trumps everything: talent, poise, beauty, strength, wisdom, brilliance and more. I have been late, alot. I know that it has caused me to lose some respect. When I am late, even slightly late, I get judgement placed on my dance card of life that can only be erased after multiple on time dances. The equation is about 1 late = 5 earlys, because the truth is ontime isn't even good enough. Early is the only acceptable time. It hurts when I am late because a few of my confidence pegs are automatically knocked out from under me. I have been late for my classes (that I teach), my appointments with students, friends, family. I also know that I hate when others are late for me! The irony. So here is what's going to happen. I have practiced this most recently and it absolutely works.
1. If you are in the space where a meeting will happen within 30-40 minutes, DO NOT LEAVE THAT SPACE! If you go anywhere, you will be late. EXCEPTION: You can go to a near by bathroom.
2. If you give somebody a time that you will be there and you haven't left 20-30 minutes before that time, call them and reset the time for 30 minutes later! Then you are still on your way, but won't be late.
3. If you have to be in a place at an absolute time, have a conversation with your brain and body. Tell them (brain and body) that they will be there 15 minutes before that time which probably means you leave 30 minutes before that time and get there early! Adjust minutes into hours as is necessary to accomodate for distance.
4. When making an appointment with anyone, make sure you have their phone number or email address to alert them of the need to adjust the time.
Make no mistake about it, I know, when you are late regularly or even more than once, you will feel the funky looks and the snickers and the silent judgement that you cannot erase. You are too talented, too gorgeous, too important to be viewed as less valuable because of your inability to manage your time.
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